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Wednesday, December 04, 2013

Things I wasn't expecting at age 28...

Yup. You read that correctly... Things I wasn't expecting...

I don't think anyone ever expects to go through infertility. Let's be honest with that. I wouldn't put it past you to not know that we have been struggling to have children. We look like normal fertile couple, right? Well wrong, we aren't. Just so you are aware infertility is a disease. You probably wouldn't think that is true either, but it is. So now you know.. We have a disease (do I look scary?). 

Resolve.org says that 10% of the population has/is struggling with infertility. Go there to learn more about infertility and to help understand those who are struggling with it.  

I wanted to share a little bit what's been going on with us, since it's been quite a while since I last posted about this topic. 

We have now been struggling for 4 years. The "average fertile couple" takes about 6 months to conceive. Which is considered normal. Each month the average fertile couple gets about a 16% chance to conceive a baby. We get 1-2%. Please don't tell me that's not a huge difference, cause that's a huge difference. We would know. The fertility doctor said if we did an intrauterine insemination (IUI) with meds & injections for me ($1700 a pop), and would bring us up to 8% of getting pregnant. If we did in vitro fertilization ($7,000-24,000 a pop) depending on which route we took it could be from 25-40% of getting pregnant. Better, but do we really have to pay THAT MUCH to have a kid, then pay more when/if we do get pregnant?!

Chase has done 3 sperm analysis (one analysis tested to see if his guys could even penetrate the egg). And I have had a lot of tests done... Ultrasound, hysterosalpingogram (HSG), blood tests, more blood tests - different ones (progesterone test, and the test they talked about on 'new girl' to see how many eggs I have left and if they are even viable). 

Come to find out the problem resides with Chase. He's not happy about it, he's sad, and I'm sad that he's sad. Our dogs are even sad (they can sense that kind of stuff). Low sperm count, low motility, and high viscosity. So that makes it hard to have a baby, obviously. 

I guess what I'm really trying to get at is don't ask us when we are gonna have kids. Let me be perfectly clear. You ask me when we are gonna have kids = you getting a black eye. I'm not even messing around here.

 I am trying so hard to make light of this situation. BUT...Deep down inside we both feel alone, feel very depressed (it comes and goes with my cycle - oh yay an ongoing cycle of emotions), why does this happen to us and oh yeah?! How the heck are we supposed to 'afford' this?! And why can't the blasted insurance help US pay for infertility treatments?! They help pay to deliver and care for a baby!!

The big factor and how I feel lately (for me) is not having faith to believe it could actually happen. I lost all of that 2-3 years ago, it hasn't come back and I've been angry & sad ever since. I know that isn't something you want to hear coming from a Mormon girl. But let's be honest here. I'm human, God knows that, yet God still loves me, and knows without a doubt that Chase and I will overcome this. It just is really hard for us when we are 'in this' and can't see 2 feet in front of us. I decided that I am going to take one day at a time and focus on loving and being there for Chase. Cause he needs me just as much as I need him. 

Plus you need a picture of how cute we are. :)

7 comments:

Reeces Pieces said...

Love you my friend!

Reeces Pieces said...

Love you my friend!

Chris and Paige Evans said...

Every time you blog I think it's "the one" where you announce you're pregnant. I am hoping and praying that one of these days, very soon, that will be the case. I think about you lots and can't imagine this hard trial you're going through. I know four couples in my past ward that did invitro and it worked! You should move to South Pasadena, it seems like anyone with fertility issues is able to conceive a baby there whether naturally or through chlomid or invitro. Anyway, hugs to you Tedi, hope your holidays are happy amid the sadness.

Courtney B said...

Tedi! I don't know if this is the wrong thing to say but I am sooo sorry! I wish you guys didn't have to go through this pain :( And I wish I could give you a hug and make it all go away!
And I definitely wish it didn't cost SO much! It's sickening!! But I do know that things always work out just how they are supposed to.
If you want to hear a little miracle story, keep reading. If I've pissed you off, well, don't read :)
My SIL (brothers wife)has a sis who has major infertility problems (something is off with both husband and wife) and so they've adopted 3 boys. First has spinalmuscularatrophy, and third is down syndrome. (crazy! they are an amazing family) and when her 3rd baby was close to a year she found out she was pregnant and things are going SO well so far!! It's an amazing miracle and it's been a long road for them.
I wish you didn't have to go through this but I know your dreams will come true!!

Rebecca said...

Tedi! It was good to see you yesterday, you have been on my mind since I saw Emily and I have been wondering how you were doing. I could tell you seemed sad yesterday and can see why. I love that you say you and Chase are "in this" together, it's important to be be there for each other. I wish things were different for you but know you are a strong woman that will get through this. I too believe the Lord is aware of you. Keep in touch.
Becky

Cassie said...

Tedi- I don't know how to express in words this pain I feel for you both. I think you are handling this well you don't have to apologize. And yes punch any one who asks that very personal question. I send you my love. Your family is in my prayers.

Holly said...
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