I don't think anyone ever expects to go through infertility. Let's be honest with that. I wouldn't put it past you to not know that we have been struggling to have children. We look like normal fertile couple, right? Well wrong, we aren't. Just so you are aware infertility is a disease. You probably wouldn't think that is true either, but it is. So now you know.. We have a disease (do I look scary?).
Resolve.org says that 10% of the population has/is struggling with infertility. Go there to learn more about infertility and to help understand those who are struggling with it.
I wanted to share a little bit what's been going on with us, since it's been quite a while since I last posted about this topic.
We have now been struggling for 4 years. The "average fertile couple" takes about 6 months to conceive. Which is considered normal. Each month the average fertile couple gets about a 16% chance to conceive a baby. We get 1-2%. Please don't tell me that's not a huge difference, cause that's a huge difference. We would know. The fertility doctor said if we did an intrauterine insemination (IUI) with meds & injections for me ($1700 a pop), and would bring us up to 8% of getting pregnant. If we did in vitro fertilization ($7,000-24,000 a pop) depending on which route we took it could be from 25-40% of getting pregnant. Better, but do we really have to pay THAT MUCH to have a kid, then pay more when/if we do get pregnant?!
Chase has done 3 sperm analysis (one analysis tested to see if his guys could even penetrate the egg). And I have had a lot of tests done... Ultrasound, hysterosalpingogram (HSG), blood tests, more blood tests - different ones (progesterone test, and the test they talked about on 'new girl' to see how many eggs I have left and if they are even viable).
Come to find out the problem resides with Chase. He's not happy about it, he's sad, and I'm sad that he's sad. Our dogs are even sad (they can sense that kind of stuff). Low sperm count, low motility, and high viscosity. So that makes it hard to have a baby, obviously.
I guess what I'm really trying to get at is don't ask us when we are gonna have kids. Let me be perfectly clear. You ask me when we are gonna have kids = you getting a black eye. I'm not even messing around here.
I am trying so hard to make light of this situation. BUT...Deep down inside we both feel alone, feel very depressed (it comes and goes with my cycle - oh yay an ongoing cycle of emotions), why does this happen to us and oh yeah?! How the heck are we supposed to 'afford' this?! And why can't the blasted insurance help US pay for infertility treatments?! They help pay to deliver and care for a baby!!
The big factor and how I feel lately (for me) is not having faith to believe it could actually happen. I lost all of that 2-3 years ago, it hasn't come back and I've been angry & sad ever since. I know that isn't something you want to hear coming from a Mormon girl. But let's be honest here. I'm human, God knows that, yet God still loves me, and knows without a doubt that Chase and I will overcome this. It just is really hard for us when we are 'in this' and can't see 2 feet in front of us. I decided that I am going to take one day at a time and focus on loving and being there for Chase. Cause he needs me just as much as I need him.