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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Pregnant or Not, Life will move forward

I have been debating on whether to write this on our blog or not. I have felt like no one can relate to me or even wants to listen to how I feel, like my feelings don't mean anything and that only theirs is whats important.  Which actually happened to me a few weeks ago regarding this topic (story for a different time, maybe never actually). I know I should be thinking there are people besides my counselor (and Chase) that want to listen to me. This might get a little personal, for me at least. Please understand that I'm not trying to complain, but I honestly think people other than my family need to know, and plus since the word got out (thanks David) to my mom and the rest of the DeArmon family, I had to tell the Palmer's too! So here goes...

Chase and I got insurance last November. As soon as I could I set up an appointment with a midwife at the Timpanogos Womens Clinic in Pleasant Grove, I did. I wanted to talk about what my options were, because I was worried about the medicine I was on and the effect it would have on if I got pregnant. She assured me that as soon as I found out I was pregnant I should taper off of the medicine and that if I needed to be back on it I could probably get back on it in the 2nd or 3rd trimester. I thought sweet, Chase and I could start trying to have a baby. We thought it would be cool to do the "if it happens it happens", and thought we'd get pregnant really fast. A few months later (6 months to be exact), we still weren't pregnant and some serious stuff happened to Chase and I and my doctor told me that it would be best if we didn't have children right now, and that it would be best to use other methods of protection. I think I cried for a few days after that, and even when I think about it I get teary. Mainly because my doctor told me no, and felt like the whole world was telling me no. Since then, Chase and I are a lot better, and have actually been "trying" for the past couple months. No, I'm not pregnant, and don't think we will get pregnant any time soon. I'm not trying to be negative or think negatively, but it's always the feeling that I've gotten ever since we've gotten married. I'll be honest, it's completely heartbreaking to even think about, and it brings tears to my eyes every time I think about not being able to have children, and be like a lot of my friends. I haven't been told that I'm infertile, and maybe it will eventually happen. I have tried so hard to be strong and withstand people asking (even if they are joking- there's still some truth to it still) when we'll be starting a family. Chase and I want to start a family, and would love to be able to be pregnant, but it hasn't happened yet. 

So there's what I've been wanting to say for the past few months! Hopefully it all made sense!

-Tedi

11 comments:

Traci said...

Hey! I found the link to your blog on facebook.

It took Brodie and I a year and a half to finally get pregnant. I have some issues, and was told that it would be VERY hard for us, if not impossible. Just like you - I was heart broken.

I felt the same way about people's comments and eventually starting telling them that it was none of their business.

Sorry, this is super long and crazy but I know how you feel! All I can say is it will happen when the time is right. Keep your head up (I know it sucks and it's hard) but it will work out :)

Ryan and LeDawn said...

Although the basis of our story is different I know how you feel. And you would be surprised at how many other people are in the same boat - wanting to be parents, but it not happening for them. It's been a very LONG 4 years of infertility for us. It's a roller coaster of emotions. But one thing we strived to do was enjoy our time together because we know how precious that is. Ryan and I are the strongest. We have ever been cuz we have had just the 2 of us for almost 6 years. We have endured the heartache and all the comments of " well what's wrong with you" " are you trying", etc... But we have also had fun! We have been able to do things others can't because they have kids. And trust me, we much rather of had children, but we didn't have a choice in the matter so we make the best of it. It's hard when your bodywont do what you feel is your god given right and sole purpose in life! Trust me I have felt broken for a very long time. However, you have to accept that it will happen on the lords time only. I hated coming to that acception because I felt it wasn't fair, but at some point you will have to let go and let god. It will happen whether it be natural, through fertility treatments or adoption, but it will happen. The worst thing you can do is worry. I know that is easy said than done, ( and iknow you said you haven't been digamosed with infertility) but one of the main factors of infertility is worrying and stressing. Once you let it go and accept it, it will happen. Stay strong, but know it's ok to not be ok. I go I into a lot more personal detail on my family blog about the infertility because I am not alone in this and I found strentgth in talking and relating to others. I have made some amazing friends because we have this one thing in common- heartache. The other thing to keep in mind is how chase feels. This is hard on him too and I know I personally would get so self absorbed and depressed that I forgot Ryan was on this ride too! I think you will be surprised how you will feel and who you will become friends with by sharing this! I'm sorry you must go through this, I don't wish it on my worst enemy! But you will come out stronger because of it! Giant hugs!

The Lowerys said...

I hope it happens for you. :) Just keep trying. My brother and sister in law had a hard time but now they have been blessed with beautiful twin boys. Keep your head up!

Tedi said...

Thanks so much for your comments! It means a lot! :)

Cassie said...

Tedi! I miss you. I wish I could be at school to be able to help you through this. I love you, Tedi! I don't know why we go through the things we go through, but I know you're a great woman and I know Chase is an incredible man and I believe you will be able to raise children someday. I'm Positive about that!

Kim said...

Good for you for sharing this, Tedi. I know a lot of people going through the same thing and it saddens me a lot when people are disrespectful and make innapropriate comments. That sure doesn't help. I know that you can find a lot of strength with sharing your feelings with others who have been through similar things, even though no one can say that they know exactly how you feel, because everyone experiences different emotions. I am always happy to talk to you too if you want! Stop by and see me when I am at work! Or email me... I have a lot of websites and blogs that I could give you that might help to link you to others and their stories about going through similar things. Keep your chin up, you are fantastic!

PS, I love the title of your post. It just shows what a great attitude you have.

J N H said...

It is what it is, and its not anyones business as to why you haven't jumped on the kid train. But that's good old utah county for you. Enjoy chase, enjoy your sleep, take this time to save for a kid. They are expensive! I can only sympathize but let me tell you, they are a huge resposnibility. I would not give nora up for all the money in the world, but I think had we really stopped and planned for her we would be better off. Lesson learned. Hang in there tedi. Ps its your blog for a reason, you get to say what you want. That's the beauty of it! Love you, don't stress. That won't help fertility.

Carolin DeArmon said...

Teds,
Whatever happnens in your life I'll always look up to you, your my big sister and I love you. And I'm sorry if I have ever said anything about this that offended you, I just want you to be happy no matter what!

I love you big sis

La Esposa said...

Sweet Tedi,

My heart goes out to you mija. Whether or not I always comment, I always love reading your blog and seeing how you are doing. I'm sorry you have felt underappreciated or ignored (if those are the right words). Kyle and I will be sure to pray for you and your sweet Chase. I love ya mija.

Chris and Paige Evans said...

Hey Tedi - I'm glad you shared with us readers. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you and hoping your dreams come true!

Rebecca said...

Tedi my love,
I love reading your blog and seeing all the creative and fun things you and your hubby do. This post brought tears to my eyes.. I am always checking your blog to see if you have some good news, since I knew you wanted a baby during those few months we were in school together, I am sorry you are having a hard time. I appreciate reading how you are feeling. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. I too have some other friends going through similar situations, keep your head up girl, it will happen!!