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Sunday, July 27, 2014

Things that were and are sometimes still depressing...

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I have wanted to share some of my feelings on the blog for a while. I really wanted to post them when I was feeling these feelings, but felt like I should wait, mainly because I was bitter. I didn't want those bitter and resentful feelings present here. I don't necessarily have those feelings right at the moment, so that's when I felt I could write them better and explain more.

Living in a latter-day saint culture has it's pros and cons. The pros are that there are people willing to serve you in a time of need, they are helpful and kind and know how to share the gospel with friends and family. The con is that there's a stigma of once you're married that's the time to get pregnant and have a baby. Because God has commanded us to multiply and replenish the earth. Well it seems like more and more couples are encountering infertility, either for the wife or the husband. We mostly hear about the wife having the issue. In mine and Chase's case it's the husband.

Chase and I want a baby, child, our own offspring. There's no doubt about it. Our only problem is we haven't been able to make one ourselves. It has been a rough 5 years of trying. Marriage is hard already - but then you go and add not being able to have a baby and it makes the marriage even harder and the emotions seem to be higher and stronger. Which makes trying to have a baby even harder with all of this stress.

In the past (and even now it sometimes happens) when we hear of friends, acquaintances, co-workers talk about getting pregnant or are pregnant, we go through this vicious cycle. We get depressed, and down on ourselves for not being able to have kids, we ask ourselves why does this happen to us? Why can't we have children of our own. Are we not doing everything right (spiritual/emotional/physically)? Then the question is should we start another round of IUI to have it fail once again for the 4th time? Which makes our hearts ache. For me the achy feeling is like someone physically squishing my heart. Then the cycle ends with us loosing the friends, because who wants to be friends with someone who can't get pregnant, and who happens to be negative all the time. I know that seems over dramatic but it's happened, and it does happen. Then the cycle starts over again by hearing about someone else.

I had never truly felt the heart aching until one of my best friends called Chase and I on the phone to share their happy news. I cried and cried for days after hearing their news. I had a feeling that I would be loosing another one of my friends to pregnancy. Because for whatever the reason may be that is how it is in our LDS culture: A friend gets pregnant and has a baby - well they can talk to all those moms that they couldn't before talk to because they weren't a mom. But now that they are a mom they can talk to more moms, and then all of a sudden we aren't friends anymore, because I don't have kids. 

This did happen quite a while ago, but I am still reminded of it (with the heart aching) when I see someone's grand announcement on any social media site. So that's the depressing part of this post. Now to the better part of the post! 

A few weeks I was asked to give a talk in church on conversion. Conversion isn't just an event, it's an ongoing process. I pulled parts of my talk from another great talk, but all the examples are my own. Part of my talk said this:

"Conversion comes as we understand the Atonement of Jesus Christ, acknowledge Him as our Savior and Redeemer, and allow the Atonement to take effect in our lives. All growing up until just recently I thought the atonement was just for those who had committed sin. Bad enough of sin that you would need to talk to your bishop about. Basically I was ignorant when it came to the atonement. Back in March there was a lesson given in young women's and it was “what is the atonement of Jesus Christ”. The lesson was awesome! I learned so much from it. One of the scriptures from the lesson was Alma 7:11-12. This is Alma talking about the coming of Christ. He says 11: And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. 12: And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

The Savior took on all our sins, our afflictions, our pains, and our temptations. He felt our sickness, and our infirmities. He felt it ALL to know how to help us. My husband and I have been battling infertility for the past 5 years. It is a subject that I am very open about and try to tell everyone I know about it. So that way people are more aware of what it is and how it is affecting a lot of couples. Last year my friend suggested I look up faith, because that’s what she looked up when she was going through a really hard time, and thought it would help me. I looked up faith, but I never felt that feeling from the Savior that he was with me through this pain that I was feeling. When we read those scriptures in Alma in young womens. I knew without a doubt that Christ knew how I was feeling and that I wasn’t alone. That through him, all of my pains would be taken away. That I could rely on him for help, and comfort. Since then my whole outlook on this whole infertility thing has changed. I know it’s all up to Heavenly Father for something to take place, but it’s given me faith, and through faith I have hope once again that I haven’t had for a long long time."


A year or so ago Chase and I were attending the temple. His mission president is the temple president for the Mount Timpanogos Temple - the one we got married in. We wondered if his mission president was there that night, we asked, and sure enough they were. We talked to them, told them our sorrows and the struggles we were going through and the President gave us the best advice we could have heard (though it took us a while for us to really understand it) he said that we need to be there for our friends. Help them with their children, love them like they love them. We have, and they love us and call us Aunt and Uncle (which is the best feeling in the world - as of right now).

I know infertility is a touchy subject for people to hear. But I honestly can't sit all by myself and deal with the pain that I go through every day, so I must share it! Chase and I have to live our lives to the fullest, and not put life on hold for the "what if's". I know we will have a child one way or another.  Either through Doctors and procedures or through adoption. We are ever so grateful for the friends that we have made who love us even though we don't have kids yet, and tell their kids to call us Aunt Tedi and Uncle Chase. Because that makes life a whole lot better.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Things that are London... Day 3 & 4

This was day 3: We first started our morning with going to Picadilly Circus. I guess it's like Times Square in New York. Or at least that is what I was told. I didn't really have a "plan" for what I wanted to do and see while in London, I just wanted to go to the majority of the popular stuff and try and get as much in before we headed up to Leicester the next day. Because I knew we wouldn't have a lot of time Friday before we left for home. I know 1 week in England! That's all I gave myself - there's definitely lots more to see!


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We first went into M&M World of London, which the only other one I have been to was in Las Vegas the year before (2012).
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There were really cool M&M's inside the store that we had to get a picture of.

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We walked out of the M&M world and saw a red carpet! Apparently the London Premier for Wolverine was happening that night. As in Hugh Jackman would be there! We didn't really care to stay (I honestly could care less about meeting or even seeing a celebrity - they are just people to me), but missed the Premier by a few hours - oops.
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I can't remember where I took this, but I love the architecture of this building.
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I really love random allies around the city. It was SO cool. I think what I liked most about going to England was all of the history. 
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I remember I read in an article somewhere that they film a lot of Doctor Who episodes in random allies in and around London. I saw this ally and thought maybe they filmed part of a show here..
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We took the tube to the British Museum. I thought it was in a random spot in London, but maybe it's not. It looked like there was more housing around this area then other sites that we went to go see. Oh and there wasn't any cool air in here at all...
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When Chase had gone out to the UK in November of 2012 (I told him to get out and go site seeing) he stopped at the British Museum and saw this money with David Tennant on it, and then wanted to show me when we went there. I guess in the UK you can't use actual British money. So in an episode of Doctor Who (can you tell I'm a huge fan?!) they use the money out of an ATM machine to distract an alien invasion. They show the clip from the show right below the money.
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I'm touching the fake Rosetta Stone, yes I said fake. Why would you be able to touch the real one? Ya know?!
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I wanted to see a few of the sites from Harry Potter. One of them was the Millennium Bridge which you can see from the picture below. You can also see Tate Modern - which is an art museum. We didn't go in or walk across it was around 5pm so rush hour was upon us and we were short on time.  We walked along River Thames, and I saw a weird toilet thing that was in a weird spot that I should have gotten a picture of.
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We turned around from the Millennial Bridge and saw St. Paul's Cathedral - another thing we didn't go into, but it looked so pretty. 
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A better picture of Millennium Bridge - and the shard in the back left.
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After that we went out to dinner. I saw some cool smoke stacks like in Mary Poppins.
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He really didn't want his picture taken...
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We ended up at Hard Rock Cafe for our "anniversary dinner". The cool thing about this particular restaurant is that they have a burger called the Local Legendary that is specific to the country or city. For instance we went to Toronto Canada last February and they had cheese curds and poutine. In London they had Yorkshire Pudding with some other stuff on it. Both burgers were yummy!
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The next day we took a cab to the tube station since we were heading to Leicester. We were so close to the airport and saw a plane coming in.
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We were going to Kings Cross St. Pancras to take a train up to Leicester. We were waiting a while to get to a train at St. Pancras when they announced that some one had jumped in front of a train and that the wait could be a while - one of the ladies helping said that it could take up to 8 hours. They said we could take a train from Kings Cross instead and transfer trains to get to Leicester.
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This was the view from the train. It was awesome! Look at that cute fence...
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This was the inside of the train. We couldn't find seats together on the second train. So we sat in the in-between train cars with our luggage. We stopped at a town called Peterborough and changed trains. Didn't get to see any of that city unfortunately.
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This was the Leicester train station. We walked to Chase's clients - which was a few blocks from the train station. I gave them a treat from America (since they asked for some the last time Chase flew out there) Peanut Butter M&M's - they love them and don't have them in England. I brought two bags to them, and they had eaten one of the bags that same day. 
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After the visit we asked if they would call a cab to take us to our hotel. Which happened to be on the outskirts of Leicester. BOO! But it was fun to ride in a taxi.
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This was the view from our hotel window. I wanted to go for a walk and see what was around us for food and drink - since hotels have overpriced food and drink. Chase needed to work and catch up so I thought I would ask for directions to the bus to the city. Let me just say that the British aren't the best at giving directions. I asked the front desk if there was a bus to the city and they said there was a stop just down the road. Well their stops are different than the ones here in America, so I couldn't find it. I called Chase upset and felt stupid for even walking outside. When he showed up we ended up finding it. It was about a half mile from the hotel. Talk about just down the road. It was frustrating for me.
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Sunday, July 20, 2014

The Anniversary Gift

Chase and I don't do too many presents around here. We get each other gifts for our birthday's and for Christmas and that's about it. Sister Carolin on the other hand has given us gifts for our anniversary too, as well as birthday and Christmas gifts.

This is what she made for us:

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Then while I was taking a few pictures of it...
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Hurley decided he wanted to be in the picture too.

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So I decided to take one of him too. Isn't he just so darn cute?! He definitely makes you happy when you see his cute face! I also get jealous of his "eyeliner". Why can't I have perfect eyeliner like that too?!

P.S. This is an old post that I have had for a while (Hurley looks a lot younger and there isn't a Pepper). I thought it would be fun to post it around our anniversary.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Things that involve an anniversary...

I don't think I have ever shared the story of how Chase and I met, got engaged and then married. So I'm going to, plus it will help me remember our day.
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Chase and I met through his brother Logan. Logan and I worked together and had hung out a few times. One time he wanted me to meet his older brother at a BYU football game that he was taking him to. Logan and I both had the all sports passes from BYU which included all BYU home games, so I went down to where Logan was sitting and said hi to him and then met his brother briefly. We were on the mega screen and Chase got a picture. I said bye and went and hung out with my friends for the remainder of the game. A few months later I was complaining at work to him saying I wish I had a date. He jokingly said I can set you up with my brother, I said sure. It was at this time that I had started getting my LDS mission papers together. That Saturday night Chase picked me up for our double date - we were going with his brother, and his girlfriend. We went ice skating. I had a lot of fun. After ice skating we went and got hot chocolate and hung out at the Orem mall for a while. Chase and I hid from his brother, he got my phone number, and I told him that I was planning on going on a mission. He mentioned later that night that they always have Sunday dinner at his parents house and Logan always brings his friends, but Chase has never brought a girl, only his home teacher and friend. I said "well you could always take a girl". He asked me to go to dinner the next night. I met his parents on date number 2!
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We dated for a while, and then Chase ended up working for the same company that Logan and I worked for. He was in production and I was in quality assurance. One day in March Chase was in the bay trying to press two metal sheets together, the safety was off and Chase smashed his finger with 2500 pounds of pressure. He went to the hospital, and I went with him. I called his brother and told him to call his parents. We all met there. Later that night after all the drama had settled, Chase and I were sitting on his parents couch (and yes, he was still on drugs), when he got down on one knee and proposed. I said yes, but I wanted him to do it right with a ring (which he hadn't picked up yet). Two weeks later I'm at work, trying to plan a lunch with all the girls in the office - it's pay day and that's the only time we could all get together. Well it just so happens that ALL the girls ended up canceling on me. I had gotten a call from our accountant earlier that day asking if I would take some documents to Chase. He was staying with his parents while he was on medical leave, and I went to their house for lunch. We sat on the couch, watching a wedding video of his uncle - which I thought was so weird. He asked me to come read the documents from the accountant to him. I started reading it, and thought it was odd that what they were talking about in the documents seemed like they were related to Chase. While I was reading them and trying to understand them, he got on one knee and proposed. With a beautiful ring! I said yes of course! I didn't want to leave to go back to work - when I finally did, my cubicle was all covered in strips of paper and hearts and a sign that said congrats on your engagement! My good friend Nessa who worked there helped Chase by; canceling the girls lunch, getting the documents to the accountant who then gave them to me, and then got the rest of the girls to put up stuff in my cubicle. It was one of the best days!
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July 19, 2007 at 10am, Chase and I were sealed for time and all eternity in the Mount Timpanogos Temple. I was really nervous (mainly because this was a huge step for me) but happy, I felt like I was in a dream, and sometimes still feel like I am. Ever since then we have had some ups and downs, but it has been wonderful to be married to him!
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Happy Blissful 7 years! WOO WOO!

Friday, July 18, 2014

Things that are London Trip... Day 1 & 2

So Chase and I traveled to London for our 6th year anniversary! He was there because of business - had some meetings to attend to for his UK relations at his work. Our flight left Saturday morning at 11am. We got to London at 9am Sunday morning. Talk about a LONG flight. :) The flight from JFK to London Heathrow was exciting for me. I couldn't sleep on the plane AT ALL. I was leaving the country for the first time. What was really cool about this flight was we left JFK at night and there was a certain time during the flight where us flying in darkness turned into us flying into the light. Like the sun was rising. It was SO awesome! Too bad Chase and I were in the middle section of the plane not the window section. Anyways. I was exhausted by the time we got off the plane, and it was only 9am. We still had a whole day ahead of us. You can see in the picture how tired we both were.

On the Hoppa. The Hoppa is the bus that takes you from the airport to the hotels near the airport. First time Chase rode it. He usually went into the city and then would take a train to Leicester.
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Double decker bus from our hotel to airport terminals to get to the Tube station.
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We went all the way to Tower of London - which was a long tube ride. The grassy area used to be a moat, but it was thought it would be best used as a recreation area.
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The blue thing below the crane is called Swiss Re Tower. It's from a Doctor Who episode. That's why I took a picture of it - as well as the Beef Eaters going through a tour of the Tower of London.
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Tower Bridge. Not London Bridge. 
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Beef Eater explaining stuff about the Tower of London. I couldn't keep track of what he was talking about and I was so hot and tired. Cause lets be honest, having AC in England is what the rich people have, the more common folk don't. So basically everywhere except our hotel and bus didn't have AC.

The Shard also in another Doctor Who episode.
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One of the knights we saw. Lets just say he was protecting his own crown jewels.
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Me with a guard - guarding the Crown Jewels. Not as big as the hope diamond, but these are probably much much older too.
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Chase had to have a picture too. Cause the guards are cool.

Walking in line to the Crown Jewels. Man it was hot and humid! Plus I couldn't take any pictures once inside.
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Monday - Day Two


The Tube station - Can't remember what one though. I just loved the architecture of the station.
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221B Baker Street
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Me at 221B Baker Street - The museum cost money, but the gift shop is endless! That's where I got my sister's Deer Stalker Hat. She won't get it till Christmas - and she now knows and is upset about it...
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Chase with a guy dressed as Sherlock Holmes. I guess there was a place to eat called Holmes just up the street from this place.
 
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Baker Street Tube Station had these cool little tiles of Sherlock Holmes.
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 Cool sign in the Baker Street Tube Station
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We got off at Hyde Park Station and just happened to miss the changing of the guards.
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They were waiting for the arrival of Kate's baby. And we missed it by a week.
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Panoramic of Buckingham Palace
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This Telephone booth was for my sister
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Big Ben was AMAZING!

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The Eye of London
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We saw Westminster Abbey - which was right around the corner from Big Ben and Parliament
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A new continent deserves to have a hand stand in front of Big Ben!
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A horse guard - Beware horses may kick or bite!
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We walked around for a while and took the tube to Trafalgar Square. We found some cool souvenirs for family and friends in a shop and I bought a new bag. But I had to get a picture near Admirlty Arch (which I just happened to look up because I HAD to know the name). Because an episode of Dr. Who takes place going through the arch. I know I'm quite predictable. Though we didn't go into actual Trafalgar Square, I just wanted a picture with the arch, and to say that I've been there. 
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We went back to Kings Cross, cause I had to get a picture at Platform 9-3/4 (Hello, Harry Potter). This wasn't the "actual" Platform. It was just a plaque with a cart going into the wall. There was a Harry Potter souvenir shop just down from the platform.  We also had time to kill before we went to eat and then go see Wicked!
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We went to a fish place, cause I wanted to try their fish and chips. Chase got the haddock and I got the Cod. We weren't very hungry because it's hot, and no where in London do they have AC except in our hotel and some other shops. So this ended up being a lot of food for us, and we couldn't take it with us. But we got Fish, Chips, and Mashed Peas (recommended to us by a guy Chase works with who lives out there).
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I compared this tunnel (which I can't remember what station we were at in London) with the metro line tunnel in Wheaton, Maryland. I love how the sign above says "long way down".
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The tube stations constantly said "mind the gap", and so I HAD to get a picture of the word on the tube floor.
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Our next stop was WICKED! I have to say that aside from the theater being ridiculously hot (remember - no AC) it was the best broadway show that I have seen! I will be reading the book soon.  
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