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Wednesday, December 04, 2013

Things I wasn't expecting at age 28...

Yup. You read that correctly... Things I wasn't expecting...

I don't think anyone ever expects to go through infertility. Let's be honest with that. I wouldn't put it past you to not know that we have been struggling to have children. We look like normal fertile couple, right? Well wrong, we aren't. Just so you are aware infertility is a disease. You probably wouldn't think that is true either, but it is. So now you know.. We have a disease (do I look scary?). 

Resolve.org says that 10% of the population has/is struggling with infertility. Go there to learn more about infertility and to help understand those who are struggling with it.  

I wanted to share a little bit what's been going on with us, since it's been quite a while since I last posted about this topic. 

We have now been struggling for 4 years. The "average fertile couple" takes about 6 months to conceive. Which is considered normal. Each month the average fertile couple gets about a 16% chance to conceive a baby. We get 1-2%. Please don't tell me that's not a huge difference, cause that's a huge difference. We would know. The fertility doctor said if we did an intrauterine insemination (IUI) with meds & injections for me ($1700 a pop), and would bring us up to 8% of getting pregnant. If we did in vitro fertilization ($7,000-24,000 a pop) depending on which route we took it could be from 25-40% of getting pregnant. Better, but do we really have to pay THAT MUCH to have a kid, then pay more when/if we do get pregnant?!

Chase has done 3 sperm analysis (one analysis tested to see if his guys could even penetrate the egg). And I have had a lot of tests done... Ultrasound, hysterosalpingogram (HSG), blood tests, more blood tests - different ones (progesterone test, and the test they talked about on 'new girl' to see how many eggs I have left and if they are even viable). 

Come to find out the problem resides with Chase. He's not happy about it, he's sad, and I'm sad that he's sad. Our dogs are even sad (they can sense that kind of stuff). Low sperm count, low motility, and high viscosity. So that makes it hard to have a baby, obviously. 

I guess what I'm really trying to get at is don't ask us when we are gonna have kids. Let me be perfectly clear. You ask me when we are gonna have kids = you getting a black eye. I'm not even messing around here.

 I am trying so hard to make light of this situation. BUT...Deep down inside we both feel alone, feel very depressed (it comes and goes with my cycle - oh yay an ongoing cycle of emotions), why does this happen to us and oh yeah?! How the heck are we supposed to 'afford' this?! And why can't the blasted insurance help US pay for infertility treatments?! They help pay to deliver and care for a baby!!

The big factor and how I feel lately (for me) is not having faith to believe it could actually happen. I lost all of that 2-3 years ago, it hasn't come back and I've been angry & sad ever since. I know that isn't something you want to hear coming from a Mormon girl. But let's be honest here. I'm human, God knows that, yet God still loves me, and knows without a doubt that Chase and I will overcome this. It just is really hard for us when we are 'in this' and can't see 2 feet in front of us. I decided that I am going to take one day at a time and focus on loving and being there for Chase. Cause he needs me just as much as I need him. 

Plus you need a picture of how cute we are. :)

Monday, May 20, 2013

Things running can do in a year...

Last year my friend Alli decided she was going to go a whole year and run a race every month. I decided I wanted to do the same. :) I started my race journey in April of 2012 with this race.

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Alli and I at the Elevate 5k in April

I didn't run in May. Alli and Logan (BIL) ran the memorial day 5k and Chase and I went on a Charity Motorcycle Bike Ride.
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In beginning of June we ran the dirty dash with all of our friends - took us 3 long hours to run a 10k. haha not my best time! But it wasn't about time - It was about getting dirty. :)
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Alli, Logan and I ran the Help us adopt 5k in the end of June.
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In July Alli and I ran our first 10k with the Freedom Run. It was a huge hill, but worth it, and so proud that I rocked it! With the same pace I run my 5ks.
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August was the Tiger 5k for the Orem Tigers Ballroom team. Easy and that's when I got my PR! of 30:06 :)
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Ran the next Help Us Adopt series in September.   
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Then we ran a race for Kalina, who is one of Alli's friends at the end of September. I was so grateful for the opportunity to help her.
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Ran the Love your Body 5k with Michele (downstairs neighbor) and Alli in October.
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Turkey Trot with the fam! It was so cold!   
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Flash Dash Series - Santa run in December. I was a pooper that day and didn't want a picture with Alli, and now I regret that. :( 

That was all for 2012! I ran a lot last year. I loved doing races and getting out and getting exercise and losing weight, though my goal wasn't to lose weight it was to just be healthy. 

2013 brings new challenges to me and running. I ran my first half marathon, and now am suffering shin splints and IT band syndrome. :(
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Ran my first half marathon (13.1 miles - let me say it again 13.1 miles) in January. My friend Celise (though I think I'm closer in age to their oldest than I am to her) and my new friend Missy and Diana (who isn't pictured).
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Ran the She Runs (Run Like a Girl) 5k with Diana and Marquessa (who I had just met) in February- Hopefully I get to run a ragnar with them later this year.   
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Ran the Hero Run with Chase as Iron Man in March. He vowed to never walk/run in the suit ever again.
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  Then ran the Elevate 5k with Chase this April - ran it with him (hard for me to do) and ran my slowest of 39 minutes. But we did it TOGETHER and that's all that matters. :)

My next journey will be to run a trail ragnar at the end of June, and another half marathon in September. I'm relearning how to run via ChiRunning because I am sick of the shin splints. Hopefully I can get Chase on the running bandwagon with me so we can do a few more races together.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Things that are my favorite...

I remember very clearly the semester after Chase and I had been married. I was swamped with school and felt like everything was going wrong. I happened to be taking institute that semester and I took it from the most amazing teacher, Sister Hepworth. I was in a class that focused on the current prophet, and at the time it was Gordon B. Hinckley. Sister Hepworth passed this quote out to all her students that were there that day. I loved it. Mainly because it has helped me through hard times, and I try and read it on those days that I need help the most. I keep it on my fridge. Since then, the paper is a mess. I wanted to redo it and make it match my current colors in the kitchen. This is what I did, super simple.

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I have wanted to read his biography since before I met Chase, and finally finished it a year or so ago. It is amazing book, and he was an amazing prophet.

You can learn more about my church and what I believe here.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Things that have been this weekend...

I just downloaded the blogger app for the iPhone 5. I am testing it to see if it works good. You will have to let me know what you think of it. :)

This weekend Chase, me, and my family went to Richfield to camp. I guess KOA was doing a 2-for-1 special and all proceeds for this weekend went to a charity. :) 

Here is what we did. 
This is where we stayed. It was really nice. 
We played a game of this. And guess who won? Chase! He loves this game!! So does my baby brother. :)

We saw a ton of Shelby's at the gas station before we headed to Fremont Indian state park. 
We hiked a trail. 
This was for a virtual geocache. Yup I geocache just like the hubs!! :)
Found a huge cache from Fremont Indian state park. There was some cool stuff in it. 
Us after finding the cache. 
Then this guy found his 100th cache! He was pretty happy!! 

That's all I got from this weekend. How was your weekend?

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Things that have been a while...

So it's been a while, right?

Well life got super busy and my number 1 goal for the year was to simplify my life. This happened to be the first thing that went. If it didn't take so long uploading pictures and actually writing I think I would spend more time here. I will eventually do some more posts but it will be sporadic.

For a brief update:

I still am running races. I ran my first half in January with no training - bad idea. I'm still suffering from it.
Chase and I are still trying to get pregnant. Still no luck.
Hurley is still full of energy.
Chase is working hard.

I recently took a job that is closer to home. No more driving to Salt Lake, and Chase and I can carpool. YAY!

Here's our Christmas Card Picture:

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Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Things that are the Beach - Pawley's edition Day 6 - Home

The rest of the week sort of mixed together..
Monday and the rest of the week was kinda rainy (so sad we missed a thunderstorm - those are seriously my favorite) 

so 

We headed to the Mall in Murrels Inlet to go slot car racing
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Chase was blue, David was yellow, I was orange and Carolin was green. I think...


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The track

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If we happened to derail the car then we had to run and put our car back on the track. It happened A LOT to David and Chase... not so much for me or Carolin...

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The Scores: 
1st - Chase
2nd - David
3rd - Carolin
and
I came in DEAD LAST!
I guess thoughts on being a race car driver like Dankia Patrick are over... 

Later that week we got a group of us to all go mini golfing...

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This was the first hole - and apparently we were only allowed 5 in a group... We totally did 7! HA!

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Chase and the guys (minus David)

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We all had a lot of fun! 

I think John took first, and then the rest of us followed by Joey taking dead last... 

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Chase and I went out swimming in the evening and we didn't have a light on, but I could vaguely see weird tracks. I thought I was stepping on a crab (which hurts) and I turned our flashlight on and we saw sea turtle tracks - AND a sea turtle. You aren't supposed to flash lights on them or touch them because it can harm them. The houses that sit up directly on the beach have to turn their lights off by 10pm so sea turtles don't go the wrong way. 

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PROOF
That my father actually will swim in the ocean with us... This was the only picture I got of him, and the only time that he came out when I went out. 

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Carolin showing off her splashing skills

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Can't get enough of the high tide! Best time to go! 

Except when the water is really rough, which happens to be the case for 95% of the time during high tide.

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Sister wanted to take a picture of me, and that's when I saw:

THIS WAVE
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haha, not so big is it!? lol

We also had our annual Ice Cream Social hosted by Cousin Rob and Carla

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Hanging out before it was ready

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The reason David looks so upset is because he hadn't had his fix of ice cream OR Settlers of Catan.

We also went back to The Hammock Shops to get our annual shirts...

While we were there we went into the place where Marvin makes original hammocks...

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Marvin showing David how to make the end of the hammock (can't remember what the name of it is)

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Smiling for the Camera

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David and Marvin! 

Now David DON"T FORGET to send a postcard to Marvin! Okay!?

Then we finally get to the infamous sandcastle...

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This is how it starts out...

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Then it slowly gets bigger

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Chase and Carolin trying to get beat my height.


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David and Carolin smiling for the camera

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Is mine as tall as yours McCamie!? :) So sad we couldn't compete this year. She is well known for the beautiful castles she makes. 

Finally we had dinner together with my family and the house we shared the Sea Hearth with.

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Barb's famous spaghetti! Loved it!
Apparently Carolin didn't!? Say what!?

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So so so yummy!

Our drive home was longer than going out... 

Oh wait...

It was still 40 hours! Yeah folks... 40 hours there and 40 hours home = 2 full work weeks.

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The first night we stopped somewhere and saw the sunset.

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which was really pretty, seeing the suburban with it's door open too. :)

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That night we drove through St. Louis and I took a picture of the arch. :) Can you see it?

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Carolin and her Piggly Wiggly shirt...

Our drive through the rockies:

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I don't remember ever going through these, except on a train with mom, when I was 5.

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I-70 was pretty cool going through the rockies - The highway was split. The side going east was lower than the side going west.

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Those mountain's are more like home!

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YES! Almost there...


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And I was doing a lot of this... 
(disclaimer - this picture was taken on the way out to PI, not the way home)


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We saw a beautiful sunset on our way through Utah.

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We also got to see the edge of Moab. 

It was a fun trip, but I don't think we'll be going with family again... Lets just say everyone was on edge by the time we got home! :)

I miss the beach terribly now... 


and to have soft skin again...


and soft hair...


Miss you PI! Till we meet again!